When A Mind Has No Filter...

Note: This has been edited from a far more controversial and, frankly, offensive note. Because humour is humour, but some humour gets you killed. Like anything about the Muslims.

You what's a neato name? Enoch. But of course, like anything one minute you find yourself quoting the Bible, then suddenly you find yourself sucking down Darjeeling with Marie Antoinette and her little sister...

But I digress.

The point is, women are just second-class citizens. It's not their fault. They are just massive roller coasters of emotion! What with their periods and pregnancy and children...

Clearly, it makes them ineligible to work along side or even above men in government...or life in general

But what really gets me is these men who become women. I mean, that's Dr. Frankenstein right there. I don't know how they do it - I think they use silly putty - but it just wrong.

However, we should be sensitive to those who find themselves...I don't know...confused.

Like gays. Poor disillusioned people. Maybe one day they'll get better, I don't know.

Take my best friend Kenneth, and his roommate Jeff. Good friends, working as partners to find the right women to spend the rest of their lives with.

Been looking for the past five years together...

I don't actually recall any girlfriends of theirs...

But they are very picky.

But the point is, you don't see them going off and getting their Mr. Doodles cut off. Because they know what it means to be a man.

But let's reflect on the theological implications.

1. God is a man.
2. Jesus, who is God, is a man.
3. The Holy Spirit is a man, since Jesus was a man and Jesus is God, and God is also the Holy Spirit.
4. Therefore, God is a man.

So therefore women are less or second-class.

I'm no St. Thomas Aquinas, but this pretty clear theology.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-women.

I love women.

Some of my best friends are women.

My wife, for instance, is a woman.

Or rather, my wife would be a woman if I had one.

But that's beside the point.

The point is, feminism is bad because it gives women ideas. It insists that women be educated. How can any man dominate his household if a women thinks?

First rule of any form of control: Keep women ignorant.

They can't tell you what you are doing wrong if they don't know what you are doing. Or anything for that matter.

So therefore, my dear friends, we find at the end of this epic saga a concise and clear reason why random Bible reading is dangerous.

A Concise History of the Remnant Universe - Part 1

In September 2009, two young men discovered something that changed the world as we know it. The first thing they discovered is that Russian stereotypes tend to be misleading. The second thing was that not all Germans are Nazis.

With the discovery of these things, the world began to make a little less sense for humanity. Relying on these preconceptions, humanity had created the universe as we know. With these truths revealed, the universe imploded.

But of course, with there being so much crap in the universe everything didn't implode properly and instead sorta meshed all together in a giant blob of matter. All the planets crashed together, allowing Al Gore to terraform the moon and proclaim himself emperor. The moon became a haven for environmentalists. The implosion of the universe caused Mars to fracture and reveal the ancient ruins and technology that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton used to overthrow the President and declare herself Agitated Dictator of America.

Though the planets all were crammed together they aligned enough to open the Negative Zone, which allowed the dinosaurs return after being banished there after the meteor hit Earth.

Which meant that the Catholic Church elected its first T-Rex Pope, and the New Russian Empire to grant its KGB Inquisitors raptor steeds. Agitated Dictator Clinton then used the newly discovered Martian technology to conquer China, which began the Inter-Dimensional World War with the New Russian Empire and the Empire of the Moon.

Pope Triassic I made pleas for peace while simultaneously moving the Vatican to the remnants of Mexico City, establishing the Mexicano Papacy for the next thirty decades. However, Pope Triassic I's calls for peace were overshadowed by the Catholic-Orthodox Wars, started by the Pope himself when, during an Ecumenical Summit at Assisi, Triassic I ate the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople.

With the loss of one of the key pillars of the Christian Faith, a second implosion of the henceforth named "Remnant Universe" occurred, opening that nonlinear temporal phenomenon known as the Nexus. The opening of the Nexus precipitated two main events; the return of Captain James Tiberius Kirk and the emergence of the Crab-People of Neptune into Remnant history. The Nexus awakened the dormant Crab-People (also called the "Mi-Go") from their catacombs under the icy surface of Neptune after long centuries of slumber, who then rode a passing comet toward the Earth.

The comet hit the moon and split it into two parts; the larger one eventually becoming the Empire of Luna; and the smaller the Empire of Diana. Capt. Kirk was at this time chosen Ambassador of the Agitated Oligarchy of America, and on the Moon when the Crab-People's comet hit. A survivor, he was soon after chosen as the first meal of the Crab-People.

And thusly, sharks at this time grew legs and developed technology that allowed them to walk on land. Soon, a great white shark is chosen as the new Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople, and with the balance restored to Christianity, the Nexus is sealed.

Soon after, Pope Triassic I dies after choking on the corpse of Kanye West, and a reincarnated John Calvin is elected pope by the College of Cardinals.

He is subsequently tried for heresy and burned at the stake.

With no pope to govern the Church, the Nexus reopens and destabilizes the Remnant Universe, and Capt. Kirk is once again brought to life. Chosen again as ambassador, he is sent to negotiate with a group of Neanderthals masquerading as pirates who appeared from the Nexus. He is killed during the talks and his skull is used as a codpiece by the Neanderthal pirate captain.

With the Nexus causing havoc all over the Remnant Universe, the governments soon begin to take notice as to what has happened to many other world powers and religions. The Zoroastrians, for instance, have been assumed into what they think is Heaven, but is really a Scientology holding cell orbiting the Remnant Earth and process thetan energy into atomic weapons. The Muslims busy themselves by killing all the Mohammads that pop out of the Nexus. Great Britain has fallen to the Saxons, and subsequently the Anglican Church ceases to exist. The Episcopalians of America take over and reform the church into a Judeo-Wiccan Coven, which makes the island of Lesbos their See and elects Rosie O'Donnell as their Archbishop. Eventually, the Judeo-Wiccans all die out because all the women become Lesbians and they have never master IVF.

With the Nexus still open, Capt. Kirk keeps returning to life, only to be killed again and again in more and more tragic and bizarre circumstances. In an attempt to restore order to the universe and prevent the continuing death of Capt. Kirk, the Cardinals convene a conclave in Mexico City, where a cloned wooly mammoth is elected pope (named Pliocene I) and permits the Nexus to be sealed again.

Meanwhile, because the Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople is a walking great white shark, no one can understand him (something which is not a problem for the Catholic Mammoth Pope, who knows sign language). Thus the Moscow Patriarchate kills him and the Nexus opens again. But because the Nexus is open so many times the Remnant Universe fractures again and causes Agitated Dictator Clinton to lose power. The New Russian Empire Tsar seizes the opportunity to overthrow the Dictator and become the dominate world power. In time, advances in the cloning method allow Russia to clone Josef Stalin, but the new Tsar only succeeds in killing the entire population in Russia with his weather device.

A paradox emerges and a Jewish Capt. Kirk appears, who believes himself to be Moses and leads the Jewish people to Israel, taking over the Holy Land. Leonard Nimoy appears and - actually being a Jew - outs Capt. Kirk as not a non-Jew, which allows him to seize control of the Holy Land and become King of Jerusalem. Capt. Kirk flees to Mexico City, where his head is crushed by Pope Pliocene I who accidentally sits on him.

Capt. Kirk's death is short-lived as he appears once again out of the Nexus and is elected Ecumenical Patriarch of Constantinople. The Nexus is sealed again, but soon King Nimoy uses his political pull with the New Russian Empire to have Capt. Kirk killed, setting in his place William Shatner. However, because Shatner was not canonically elected the Nexus opens again.

Thus Pope Pliocene I calls a crusade...

The Hæresiarchian Church and Luthorian Creed

In 22,189 A.D., the FAC underwent a near splinter. The causes had been long in the making; and the blame fell mostly on the actions of Bodh. Lama St. Isaiah Francesco Asimoff I. The deceased Rabbi-Pape's promotion of the Hæresiarchs had given them such a power base that not even the Druishian Inquisitive Committee could have them removed. With citagogues and symples in virtually every Branch of the FAC and Britannia Imperium territory, the rule of the Hæresiarchs was inescapable. With the Red Elders still deliberating to elect a new Rabbi-Pape, the management fell to the Archierarchs of the Four Great Branches - in this case, the Hæresiarchs. Without the worry of a Mental Crusade or reproach of any other hierarch (for none could truly challenge them in might), the Hæresiarchs began pushing forth teachings in a dictatorial manner - and eventually an exclusive and concrete foundation began to be formed. At the head of the Hæresiarchs was Archierarch Martin Luther, who had been pull from 1546 A.D. by the Hæresiarchs to lead their cause.

Cured of any maladies and sicknesses, the renewed German theologian developed a restrictive doctrine to be implemented in the FAC - preaching that the Druishian Priesthood's Law of Tolerance and Inclusiveness was an injustice to the people of Terocea (Earth) and offensive to God. Luther drew his interpretation from the theology of the Masculine Divine Traditions within the FAC, and using fragments of the ancient and defunct text of the Judeo-Panglican Church - the King Charles Bibiloteque - he developed what was called by the FAC hierarchy 'the Luthorian Creed'. The followed

"A belief in the One, Masculine Father-God,
the five Primas,
the ineffability of the Bibiloteque,
the inscrutability of the Hæresiarchs,
the rejection of the belief of non-heresy,
the rejection of polytheiogamy and
the sole acceptance of monotheiogamy..."

With the support of the Hæresiarchs, the Creed was published and preached in all of the Hæresiarch-controlled citagogues, tosques, monaseminaries, and symples. The Hæresiarchs had officially created a Church within a Church, with Luther as its Archæresiarch. When the Red Elders announced their choice for the Rabbi-Papery, they found the Branches in chaos. Abandoning their choice, they quickly re-chose their candidate as a time-clone of John Paul George, making the new Rabbi-Pape yet another clone of the man (All previous JPGs had been time-clones or bio-clones).

Rabbi-Pape John Paul George MMVI ascended the throne with little pomp and celebration, quickly summoning Luther to the FAC's pocket dimension of qR to answer for his enforcement of the shame of Creed. The Archæresiarch ignored the summons and prepared his forces for a interdimensional and intergalactic war. The Rabbi-Pape, with the support of the Britannian Empress, amassed his fleets and armies in qR; using the dimensional gates littered throughout the pocket dimension, he launched systematic attacks against the Hæresiarchian forces, killing billions of 'compromised individuals' and purging the creed-enforcers from the Great Branches. The Hæresiarchian forces were formidable, but Luther never believed the Rabbi-Pape would enforce such a slaughter of countless people, and he had instructed his forces to defend the people no matter what the cost.

His forces decimated and bastions destroyed, Archæresiarch Luther and the other Hæresiarchs fled through a dimensional portal and stole a galaxy-cruiser, fleeing into the Horse Head Nebula and eventually wandering into Galactic Catholic Church-controlled systems. What happened to them next is not known - rumors range from their exile from GCC systems, to their death in a final fight with FAC and GCC forces, to their reconciliation and acceptance into the GCC. What is known is that JPGMMVI conducted one of the most brutal and devastating Mental Crusades in the history of the FAC, mind-wiping a total of 92% of the FAC laity and 53% of the clergy, purging as much of the Luthorian Creed as he could.

The Druishian Priesthood

The Druishian Priesthood Board began as a small cult of fanatics integrated into the FAC by Rabbi-Pape Hadrian VII because of the aid they played in capturing and holding Jeru-Mecca in 2066 A.D., so that he could convene the First Amalgamated Gathering and establish a capital for his desire of a global theocratic empire. Once absorbed in the complex structure of the FAC, Hadrian VII raised a number of the most rabid and devout to the service of his personal protectors and advisors. For the rest of his reign, the scarlet cloaked Druishian priests were a common sight when the Rabbi-Pape was present, their faces streaked with deep gashes made in devotion to their beloved master.

Following the death of Hadrian in 2101 A.D., Rabbi-Father Changstein el-Gammal announced the successor of the Rabbi-Pape as John Paul George I, whose first act was to move the FAC to Londonium and abolish the Druishian guard. He returned them to Jeru-Mecca, where he turned over care of Hadrian’s Grand Synamosque to them. John Paul George I was rumored to have used their services once before their return to Jeru-Mecca - the assassination of Rabbi-Father el-Gammal. In the years that followed, the Druishian Priesthood was left alone as JPGI began his systematic formation of the FAC’s hierarchy and organization until 2167 A.D., when the Galactic Catholic Church returned from the Outer Colonies of the Horse-Head Nebula and retook Italy, establishing the first Papal territory on Terocea (Earth) in over 100 years.

With the threat of Catholic orthodoxy suddenly present, JPGI recalled the Druishian Priesthood from Jeru-Mecca to Londonium, where the Rabbi-Pape had established his Symple. To root out and evangelize to those who were being lead astray by the Catholics, the Rabbi-Pape restructured the Druishian order into a more organized and structured administration, dividing it into the Druishian Priesthood Board which governed and oversaw the other organizations, orders, and committees associated with the FAC while rooting out any threat of orthodox or creed; and the Druishian Inquisitive Committee, which was responsible for evangelism and spread of Amalgamation, while rooting out those spreading and sympathetic to orthodoxy in FAC and the Britannia Imperium’s territories.

During this time a more notable change was made among the Druishian clergy; that is, they began to appear more groomed and professional and JPGI often employed their services for his own liturgies and processions. As the Druishians Priesthood advanced in power, they found that their only rival was the independent Rabbinical Suffrage, created long ago by Rabbi-Father el-Gammal to act as the legal branch of the FAC. While the Druishians were granted more and more power within the bounds of the hierarchy, their territorial expansion beyond Jeru-Mecca was hindered by the bureaucracy and red tape of the Suffrage. The Rabbi-Fathers had no doubts in their minds that the Druishian Priesthood - along with the current Rabbi-Pape - was responsible for their founder's assassination, and prevented any and all means of expansion. Thus Jeru-Mecca and Londonium were the only two City-States that supported Druishian Monaseminaries, Ward-Stakes, and Dioparchies.

Hindered and frustrated, the Druishians petitioned the Rabbi-Pape, whose favouritism of the Druishians prompted him to relocate the Rabbi-Fathers to the Neo-Babylonian Oligarchy of the West. There the constant upheaval and chaos severely dampened the Suffrage's influence while the Priesthood's flourished. As the Mental Crusades continued under the High Druistolic Administator, JPGI's reign was coming to a close. Millions of faithful who had been subjugated to the mental recognitions of the Crusade and left mindless drones, leaving behind embittered family members who sought revenge against the Priesthood and the Rabbi-Pape. Fortunately for the Rabbi-Pape, he was safe in the Symple fortress in Londonium. Unfortunately for the Rabbi-Pape, his concubine was one of the embittered family members, and subsequently smothered him in his sleep.

A hero to the people, the Red Elders prevented a collapse of the FAC by electing the concubine to the Rabbi-Papery, become the Church's first female Archierarch and Rabbi-Papess. Taking the name Helena Amashion Reddium I, the Rabbi-Papess abolished the Mental Crusade, seceded Italy to the GCC, recalled the Rabbinical Suffrage from the West and sent the Druishian Board into the Oligarchian regime under the pretext of evangelism and the spread of Amalgamation, but in truth her intent was the utter decimation of the priesthood.

While at first it seemed the order had been destroyed, four thousand years later the Druishian Priesthood Board reestablished contact with the FAC and reported it had taken the Eastern coastline, bringing a portion of the Neo-Babylonian Oligarchy's territory under the aegis of Amalgamation. The reigning Rabbi-Pape and other Archierarchs realized it would be foolish to turn away such a powerful group - one that had brought a chaotic and destructive place such as the Oligarchy under its control - and called them back to Jeru-Mecca and gave them an permanent place in the FAC's organization. Things continued to improve for the order when they wrote the Laws of Inclusiveness and Tolerance for the Second Amalgamated Gathering, and where instructed to enforce it throughout the territories.

Not to say the sudden death of the Rabbi-Pape in the middle of the Gathering and the election of one of their own to the Rabbi-Papery had anything to do with it.

Libros I - The Forgotten Archierarch

Four hundred years after the reign of Isaiah Francesco Asimoff IV and two hundred years after the final battle with the Galactic Catholic Church at Vatican III; the High Mufti of the Higher Wisdom Seekists and Lama-Vicar of the Linear Branch of the First Amalgamated Church was chosen by the Red Elders to ascend the Rabbi-Papal Throne. This High Mufti was one of the few Enlightened Archierarchs to gain the throne, but little to nothing is known of his life beforehand. It is said he first took the name Tsaurus X, but later changed it to Judeus XXIV, and three years later he selected another name: Barnabas II.

The Rabbi-Pape's indecisiveness was due to the closely held belief of the Higher Wisdom Seekists in Astrology and the influence of one's Zodiac Sign; The Archierarch was a Libra, and therefore was so extremely conflicted in every decision a Shadow Committee was formed to make decisions for him. While their intentions at first were geniune, this group came to realize that the Rabbi-Pape's indecisiveness could be used to their advantage. No one was quite sure who came up with the idea, but fear of losing their power, the Shadow Committee hooked him up to an elaborate throne that was in fact a time-dilated life support system.

Bound to the throne for 17,ooo years, the Rabbi-Pape became little more than a dessicated corpse with a consciousness, utterly conflicted for all his reign. The Committee would torment him with questions and force him to make decisions he was unable to, torturing him with even the most mundane of question. They even gave him the choice of coming off the throne, but he couldn't even choose whether or not to.

Eventually, the Rabbi-Pape passed from the knowledge of all the people with the exception of the Red Elders and the Committee, who used the living Rabbi-Pape to keep the Red Elders from electing a new one. The final response of the Red Elders was to liquidate the Committee and put the indecisive leader in storage on the Moon while falsely proclaiming his death. Because his name had passed from all memory and records, the Red Elders gave him the name Libros I - the Forgotten Archierarch. The people of the FAC accepted the name without problem, happy to have a change of pace in finally electing a new Rabbi-Pape after so long a time of vacancy (or, at least, what they assumed was a vacancy).

To this day he remains in lock down on the Moon, bound to the chair for all time while still contemplating a regal name for himself. The last words recorded of his was a question:

"What do you think of Paul?"

Bodhisattva Saint Lama Isaiah Francesco Asimoff IV

His High Holiness Rabbi-Pape Bodhisattva Saint Lama Isaiah Francesco Asimoff IV, the first 0.1 System Administrator of the Atheist, Agnostic, and Non-Religious Sector of the First Amalgamated Church to be elected to the Rabbi-Papery. The Red Elders of the Crimson Circle deliberated for 72 hours before choosing Asimoff, believing the AANR Sector of the Church had long been neglected in the upper-echelons of the hierarchy.

Asimoff was an effective head of the AANR Sector, but soon found the task of Rabbi-Pape daunting. Many hierarchs protested his election and choice of name - Bodhisattva Saint Lama Francesco of Tijuana was a controversial agnostic missionary who furthered the AANR Sector's influence in Proto-Civilized Societies, and the hierarchs of the Religious Adherent Sector feared he would further his own personal, atheistic agenda over the majority RA Sector's. Asimoff also raised concerns that he was going to lift John Paul George VII's bans on time-travel and time-cloning, due to the numbering of his regal name. At the time of his election, there had been no previous Rabbi-Pape's named Francesco, therefore his numbering as "the Fourth" was confusing to the masses. In his Electionary Address, he commented on his name:

"I am the Fourth because I don't want to waste time. Let my successors worry about the first, second, and third..."

Despite the opposition, Asimoff secured the support of the Hæresiarchs, which up till then had been minor officials of the Backwater Cults and Moonbase Movements. John Paul George VII had disliked the chaotic cults to such a degree he time-locked them in the 16th century - though unknowingly causing problems in the time-line due to their charismatic influence. Asimoff - in return for their support of his policies - promoted several hæresiarchs to the dignity Archierarchs over the dissenting hierarchs, giving the cults a major foothold in the FAC and undermining the influence of the RA Sector. Many of the religious faithful became disillusioned with the Archæresiarch's inconsistent doctrines, and grew tired of the other hierarch's bickering and defected to the AANR Sector.

With the sudden influx of adherents and growing support, Asimoff soon began a systematic reform of the FAC, cutting out many of the RA influences and replacing them with AANR faculties. With advances in technologies and time-warp travel, Asimoff secured his Administration for the next seven centuries by time-dilating the FAC's pocket dimension of qR; leading to a colonization of the Horse Head Nebula and conflict with Galactic Catholic Church in 4489 A.D.

Asimoff died on Second Eden in the Horse Head Nebula, when he left qR to deliver a speech and was subsequently subjected to 700 years of aging in the course of a matter of seconds. His uncorrupt body was displayed in the Basilimosque of Neb - a final dig at the RA Sector and the hierarchs who undermined him.

The First Amalgamated Church

The First Amalgamated Church (FAC) was established by no divine authority on no one in particular. The Biblical basis for this Church is never to be found, nor is it ever to be found in any other religious text.

In truth, the FAC’s origin can be traced to June 6, 2066 AD. It came out of the merger of the Islam-Christian Report, in which Italo-Roman Presbylutheranism and Caribbean Sunnism merged with the Judeo-Panglican Church. The newly democratically elected Rabbi-Father Changstein el-Gammal reformed the Church into the Pre-Amalgamated Society (PAS) through his thesis “Saturdays with Eddie: A Journey in Radical Ecumenical Syncretism”.

Approximately 17 hours later, the PAS experienced its first splinter, reconciliation, second splinter and an event known as the Subdued Re-Formation (which incidentally was brought about over a theological dispute over the purported existence of an Aryan Jesus and a Latvian Buddha). The PAS continued for three days consisting of 14 members under the leadership of Rabbi-Father el -Gammal before a third split occurred, result in the Eighth-Day Epithets (EDE). The EDE lasted a total of three minutes before being assimilated back into the PAS, which consequently conducted a Mental Crusade against the second group, which had come to call itself the Syncretic Social Order of the Society of the Blue Word (SSOSBW). The exact theological beliefs of this movement is unknown, as Rabbi-Father el-Gammal quickly dealt with the SSOSBW by mental recognition (whatever that means).

Rabbi-Father el-Gammal rewrote his thesis a total of 95 times before reverting to his original draft but with the inclusion of not only all theological beliefs, but atheistic and agnostic beliefs as well. The result was reformation of the Pre-Amalgamated Society into the First Amalgamated Church.

The first Amalgamated Gathering was called by Rabbi-Pape Hadrian VII (later Bodhisattva Saint Lama Adrian I), in which the first draft of the “Syncretic Essay of 2066 AD” was drawn up, eventually becoming the “Highly Revered and Partially Sacred Scrapbook of Collected Thoughts” (also called the “Great Big Book of Everything”).

The First Amalgamated Church holds true to the existence (or not) of One or Many Gods (perhaps fewer or none at all), and liberally celebrates (or doesn’t, your choice) the worship of the Deity (or Deities) in whatever way you think (or don’t, no judging) They or He (or She or nothing at all) require (or not) you to worship. There is no doctrine, dogma, or creed put forth by the FAC; just assorted opinions and theories.

There is no such thing as a heretical belief or movement within the FAC, every belief is encouraged and nurtured and eventually integrated into the Religious Adherent Sector (RAS) of the FAC (as opposed to the Atheist, Agnostic, and Non-Religious Adherent Sector (AANRS) of the FAC, which integrates no religious belief but only those of science and fact). Despite the fact that all beliefs are considered equally valid, confrontation is common in the FAC, as to what qualifies as a valid belief within the FAC is put under extreme scrutiny. Any group that seeks to impose a concrete doctrine or creed is dealt with by the Druishian Inquisitive Committee(DIC), who often conduct Mental Crusades to keep the peace in FAC controlled territories.

Time-travel was discovered in 2331 A.D. by FAC scientists in their efforts to travel back to the Garden of Eden and prevent the Fall of Man. The hierarchs realized that this move would remove all power from the FAC, and attempted to destroy all research but succeeded in simply ripping open a tear in the fabric of Space-Time. The FAC then monopolized this 'success of science' and constructed portals in which they could go back in time and evangelize to the past, establishing Amalgamation long before its actual inception in 2066 A.D. Because of this meddling, several branches in the Space-Time continuum were born, creating a pan-dimensional religious empire for the FAC. Several controversies have come about due to this; such as Dinosaur and Cro-Magnon clergy, and time-cloning, in which a past-self of a person is brought into the present from a pocket dimension. In truth, no one is quite sure the moral or scientific workings of such technology.

No one really cares.

The Supreme Jurisdictional Primate and Authoritative Consular, Praetorian Magistrate of the Time Branches, and Rabbi-Pape has full authority over all linear, nonlinear, cyclical, and time dilated Branches of the FAC. He delegates authority to Archierarchs who preside in those time lines; such as the Guru-Imam of the Cyclical Branches; the Mahasiddhas-Rabbi of the Nonlinear Branches; the Lama-Vicar of the Linear Branches; and the Ani-kutani-Guru-Pape of the Time-dilated Branches. A sort of collegiality is supposed to be practiced among the Archierarchs, but in reality the Rabbi-Pape more often than not takes a dictatorial approach to governance. It is not uncommon for a Rabbi-Pape to be assassinated when his approval rating falls below 23 percent.

Because of the Laws of Inclusiveness and Tolerance enforced by the Druishian Priesthood Board (DPB), there are several Order, Councils, Administration, Cults, Boards, and Committees associated with the FAC. Such prominent ones include the Red Elders of the Crimson Circle, a group of reclusive hierarchs who control the election of the Rabbi-Pape and reside in the Escher-like citadel in the Himalayan Mountains; the Druishian Priesthood Board, a powerful administration run by rabid clergymen/women in charge of upholding the Laws and suppressing orthodoxy through the Druishian Inquisitive Committee; the Rabbinical Suffrage, without approval from the Rabbi-Fathers nothing can be legally done; the Castrated Drones, a group of clergy who have been castrated themselves (or forcibly) to become the militant and liturgical assisstants of the FAC.

The FAC has successfully retconned and revised history to such a degree that the Congregation of the Order of the Sub-Curial District of Time Loops, Paradoxes, and Conundrums was formed by the initiative of Rabbi-Pape Bodhisattva Saint Lama Isaiah Francesco Asimoff IV to address issues created and instigated by misuses of time-travel and -warp technology. A successful pocket timeline was created by the Congregation priests to house an uncorrupted history for the FAC, and it is here where the Basilimosquagogue of St. Lama. Bod. Adrian I was constructed to house the Rabbi-Pape.

In coming posts, we shall talk more on selected portions of the FAC's history.

Lesbionic Agenda Against Marriage

I've been reflecting on marriage since the announcement of two of my close friends engagement...hmmm, yeah you get that. And don't worry, they are both God-fearing Christian-Republicans. Presbyterian to be precise, so they've got that whole Calvinism Predestination thing for them; which means that because of this we know for sure this engagement and marriage is supposed to happen. But I digress (whatever that means), and wish to talk about the sacred bondage that is marriage. Now, when people hear the word bondage they often get a whole BDSM image in their heads. Combine that with the word sacred and there is no telling what will pop into your head. I mean seriously, our minds have some weird thoughts.

But anyway, marriage.

Christian Marriage is a holy partnership instituted by Jesus. It is the only real kind of marriage. Jewish Marriage actually has some merit, since St. Joseph was Jewish and the Virgin Mary - while a Christian - entered into a Jewish Marriage with him. Meanwhile Jesus was born in Bethlehem, England and raised a Christian by the Virgin Mary. During his life he learned the Torah and all that stuff, and developed the institution we now call Marriage.

Marriage is when a woman is enslaved to a man (or 'bonded') for the rest of her life. Now women, being cunning and deceptive creatures, can occasionally cause men great periods of stress and grief while constantly trying to usurp his God-given authority as head of the family. Therefore, God created pregnancy. Pregnancy was created to keep women busy; distracting them with life growing inside them and the subsequent children as a result. This keeps women complacent and busy with the role of motherhood, while men are free to continue as heads of their household. This has been the make-up of marriage for thousands of years since the birth of Jesus.

However, that sacred bondage is now under attack from Radical Leftist Feminist Lesbians and queerosexuals. This group of people has threatened the very sanctity of marriage with alternative lifestyles and partnerships. The Lesbians and the queerosexual concept of marriage is degenerative, because who is bonded to who? Who is the head of the family? Which on gets pregnant (gay guys can get pregnant, right?) and assumes the bondage role?

We can, of course, blame Anglicans for this problem. Anglicans have always had a screwy view of marriage - look at the guy who founded their church: Henry VIII. The man had six wives and four mistresses over the course of his life. While admirable, this clearly contradicts Jesus' Christian Marriage. We can blame several men for the breakdown of Marriage in Western Society - all of them Anglicans. Thomas Cranmer, the first Protestant Archbishop of Canterbury, was the catalyst for all this. He broke his priestly vow of celibacy and married, and was later killed for it by Queen Mary I (or something along those lines). The next three men were Sir Winston Churchill, a committed Freemason, and his appointments to the Archbishop of Canterbury; William Temple and later Geoffrey Fisher. Both of this so called Christian leaders were Freemasons and liberal Englishmen with ties to the Chinese. Churchill was invested as the Church of England's so-called 'Shadow Pope' and pulled the strings at the Lambeth Conferences into to pave the way for homosexualist marriage. This was attempted to distract people from the War, but his plans came to fruition fifty years too late.

During those fifty years, homosexualist lesbians infiltrated the upper echelons of the Church of England in order to plant powerful lesbians as bishopresses. Barbara Harris became the first bishopress and 'Shadow Popess' of the C of E. Using a concentrated dose of rubella, Bishopress Harris killed the reigning Shadow Pope and installed herself as the shadowy ruler of the Anglicans. This powerful cartel of lesbians then began to rewrite the bylaws of Anglican Christian Marriage and pave the way for homosexualist marriage.

You see, Freemasons and queerosexuals are to blame for the crisis affecting the Christian world. Anglicans, too, have been the unwitting pawns in their games of sexual deviancy. I really can't remember the point of all this - I think my negative bias toward Anglicans is showing. The point of this is as such: Grammar is not important when trying to unveil evil plots against Jesus. In the battle against the Lesbian Bishopress Cartel, who really is going to correct their grammar? Certainly not your wives, because they will have all been recruited by the queerosexuals by enticing worlds such as 'equal rights', 'women power', and things like Black & Decker sex tools.

Timezones, Sex, Zombies, and Ghandi

I cannot get the timezone right on this blog! It annoys me so much I shall write about it on the blog itself!

...I've never been good figuring out timezones. I think there are stupid and the time should be the same everywhere. No wait, I'm wrong. There should be two timezones: one for the God-fearing, red-blooded, conservative Republican Americans and one for the godless, liberal, communist Democrats.

Freemasons too.

And the Chinese.

Muslims don't believe in time, so I don't have to worry about them.

But the real Christian days (That is, the days God pays attention to) start when the sun first touches the soil of the good old United States of America. This timezone will be called 'Jesus Time' or 'Godzone' from now on. The godless heathen days don't count, so therefore that timezone shall be referred to as 'Bad Time' or 'Evilzone'.

To save people from this horrible timezone filled with debauchery, Americans must support the Government's plan to invade and Americanize every other country on the planet; thereby making them apart of the U.S. and bringing 'Godzone' to the other side of the world. But it works both ways: the godless, liberal, communist Democrats are trying to impose 'Evilzone' on America, and turn into a Neo-Babylon Oligarchy, in which the Chinese-Freemasons maskerade as Republicans while supporting things such as abortion, stem cell research, same-sex institutions, imigration, women's rights, interspecies marriage, burka-barreling (not sure what that is), Geo-Feminism, and sex.

That's right: sex. They want to support sex. We all know sex is evil and should be never spoken about in real life. That's why we have TV and the internet. We also know from post-apocalyptic movies that mutants go after fertile women to rape them and make more mutant babies. If this isn't an indication of sex evilness then I don't know what is. It's why I support the Sex Kills Bill, in which I hope will pass and force people to put spikes on those parts required for sex to discourage it. It's also why I support the right to bear arms, so that I can defend our fertile women from mutants. Sex isn't required and is unGodly...unless it's used to make more men, which is why God made woman anyway.

I read my Bible.

Which brings me to another point: Zombies. I'm against zombie-racism or anti-zombism. Zombies are not like the liberal, fertile women raping mutants. Zombies are staunch conservatives and supporters of the Republican Party and have been given a negative portrayal in the media. Zombies are often seen as 'evil' and lumbering idiots. In truth, zombies are amoral, mindless animated corpses with a strong ethnic identity and sense of purpose (i.e., the eating of brains). If anything could be said against them, it's that they aren't Christians. If they were Christians, then they wouldn't be zombies in the first place. Christians don't become zombies, it's in the Beatitudes or Ten Commandments, I think. I'm not sure what religion zombies are, but I have a strong leaning toward Buddhism. They've seem to got that whole Nirvana thing down.

But this all doesn't change the fact that anti-zombism is rampant in this country - this world. When people learn there is a zombie in the neighborhood, you can bet it won't be long before people are boarding up their windows and doors and stocking up on ammo. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against guns or ammo. I'm against racism. I doubt we'll ever see a zombie in the White House, due to this country's disgusting bias. God created everything people; even zombies. I don't know why He created them, but who am I to doubt the work of God? I'm not an evolutionist, I don't make claims that monkeys and humans are the same so that I can have sex with them. That's the Chinese-Freemasons at work, trying to pass that interspecies marriage bill.

I consider myself openminded. I believe that women have the same rights as any other second-class citizen, and I believe that gay people really think they are people. I am a good person, and I let everyone know it. I've been known to walk into the middle of intersections and yell prayers at people. Believe me, there are people who need prayers. I can't tell you how many times I've had people cuss at me, shoot me the bird, try and hit me with their cars. These people need some Jesus. One time a lovely group of people (I think they were a family) gathered around me with their children and prayed with me. I later left when they started waving signs that said "God hates Fags" and "Fags go to Hell" and "God hates America". I disagree with a number of those signs and slogans. First of all God founded American, so I know He doesn't hate American. Jesus is an American, so if God hates American then He hates Himself. This is simple theology here, people. I'm no St. Thomas Aquinas, but I can get that much.

Secondly, I don't know if God hates cigarettes. Nor (if I'm interpreting their sign right) do I know if people who smoke them go to Hell. I can't say who goes to Hell, and it is not my place to do so. I simply strongly reinforce such ideas. I think these people were sent by the Freemasons to discredit me.

Whatever happen to the 40s and 50s, when men were men, women were women, gay people didn't exist, father knew best, and children knew the best way to make a martini? Whatever happen to the America that exists some couple decades before I was born? Whatever happened to prayer in schools? I mean, real prayer - Christian prayer, not that other stuff. I know George Washington understood about prayer. I mean, when he was praying in to woods and Jesus appeared to him and gave him those Golden Tablets which held the instructions on building the great nation of the U.S., he understood that prayer was important. And later, when he was chopping down that cherry tree on Abraham Lincoln's property and got caught and lied to say he was using it to build the West Wing of the White House, and Jesus appeared to him to tell him he was wrong, and Washington fell to his knees in prayer - he knew the importance of prayer.

Damn greasy liberals. Caligula was a liberal, and look what happen to Rome! Fell into a pit of debauchery and sin. Caligula was in love with his sister! And his horse! And his sister's horse! Then they got that floating little fairy Nero, who just lost it all. See what the liberals do? You end up with people like Caligula, Nero, Lyndon B. Johnson, Paul McCartney, and Ghandi. Don't get me wrong, Ghandi had some great ideas, but he was a hippie liberal. And a Hindu. And as we know, that makes not Christian, so that invalidates his ideas. Plus he's in the 'Evilzone', so that just furthers this whole ordeal.

The point is, the world wouldn't have half its problems if it wasn't for timezones.

(I make no apology for the above stupidity. Unless I offended someone, then I apologize that they don't have a sense of humour.)

A Sesame Street Interview Gone Awry

Elmo hangs out with Ricky Gervais (Extras)...and things head into the Redlight District of Sesame Street. "N - do you know what Necrophilia is?"