The Pavoori Iurisdicerate and Iohannes Vazeille

The Pavoori Iurisdicerate was an independent ecclesiastic body of the First Amalgamated Church that dealt with the "Low Matters" of the Church. The Low Matters were a result of remnants of the Italo-Roman Presbylutheranism that survived the many reforms and mergers that grew into the FAC. As the continuing followers of a Creed, they were early targets of persecution until Iohannes Vazeille, the son of an Presbylutheran minister and FAC missionary, convinced the Rabbi-Pape he could quietly deal with the orthodox-ers.

He traveled Pavoori at once, and found the Presbylutherans hiding in the cold marshes. Moments after he announced himself, he was tried and sentenced to death by burning. Tied to the stake, he watched the matter with such general disinterest the Presbylutherans began to question him. Iohannes explained that, because of his conversion to the FAC and subsequent faithfulness, he feared nothing of death. Either God/Goddess/gods would welcome him into the afterlife, or he would simply fall into oblivion because there was no afterlife. He explained "the great and rich Church has a place for all thoughts and beliefs or none at all. Whatever is the desire of the believer, not the deity/ies."

Intrigued, the Presbylutherans withheld his sentence of death and let him preach from the stake, and Iohannes evangelized to the people for three straight days. He later attributed his zeal and stamina to, not a deity or providence, but the large quantities of speed and uppers he consumed before beginning his journey. By the end of the three days he had converted 5 of 250,000 people, the rest simply being so confused by the missionary's preaching they agreed to release him. Iohannes was not allowed to leave, but instead live amongst the Presbylutherans and continue to preach. He converted few more during his next 20 years, but succeeded in convincing them to let him return to qR and petition the Rabbi-Pape for a unique ecclesial body that would permit the Presbylutherans to join the FAC and end their persecution, but retain their unique beliefs.

Iohann left Pavoori for qR, and after many long-winded conversations with the Rabbi-Pape, succeeded in creating the Pavoori Iurisdicerate with Iohannes Vazeille as the Sui Lord. The Pavoori Iurisdicerate had no authority or influence outside its own territory, and the Druishian Priesthood Board demanded that they adhere to the "Belief is All", "Belief is None" and "No Creed Enforcement" laws. Iohannes agreed and returned to Pavoori, establishing the Iurisdicerate without any further trouble. He eventually constructed "The Last Cathedral", an massive worship center inspired by the high art of Presbylutheranism and acted as the Sui Lord's seat of power.

For the next 50 years the Pavoori Iurisdicerate flourished, albeit somewhat confined, with Vazeille as its head. At 78 years old, the Sui Lord was called upon by the Atheist, Agnostic, and Non-Religious Sector of the FAC to reform the Religious Adherent Sector after Age of Discord, an era in which the hierarchs of the FAC were greatly influenced by Discordian and Eristic philosophies and nearly lead to the annihilation of the Church as a whole. Iohannes left Pavoori in the charge of Presbylutheran Superintendent Augsburg Stanley, and traveled to qR to meet with the 0.1 System Administrator of the AANRS and the acting-Archierarch of the RAS to address the issues effecting the FAC.

With no Rabbi-Pape at the time and the Red Elders currently away electing the next successor, Iohannes was forced to address the issues at the basic levels, namely the Monaseminaries, Ward-Stakes, and Dioparchies. The 0.1 System Administrator and Iohannes manipulated the Druishian Inquisitive Committee by convincing them that the Discordian philosophy was in face a Creed being enforced, and a Mental Crusade was needed to cleanse the FAC. The result was a loss of the Archierarchs of the FAC and subsequent loss of leadership, leaving the acting-Archierarch in complete control of the FAC.

Iohannes then began enacting the reforms he had written up, pushing them through the hierarchs and bringing order back to the RAS. The reforms had a very Pavoorist slant to them, and thus many Presbylutheran ideas began to influence much of the theological and philosophical thought of the FAC. Sunni-Christianism became a popular trend in Monaseminaries (which later led to the rise of Elphias Temportus Repotus II as Guru-Imam) and led to a predominant call for Pavoorist ministers. Presbylutheran high art was adapted to the architecture of qR, and the Rabbi-Pape's Chapel in the Grand Basilimosqple reflects this influence.

Eventually, the Red Elders offered Iohannes the Rabbi-Papery, but he refused it for a wish to return to Pavoori. The Red Elders decided to elect Aleister Baronious Levironic XX (the predecessor of the current Rabbi-Pape), a sympathetic hierarch to the "Pavoori Reforms" and compromise candidate. Iohannes submitted to the new Rabbi-Pape and returned to Pavoori, where he continues to live till this day. Sui Lord Iohannes Vazeille recently celebrated his 112th birthday by having Superintendent Augsburg killed when it became clear he was behind the recent assassination attempt on the Sui Lord's life.

When A Mind Has No Filter...

Note: This has been edited from a far more controversial and, frankly, offensive note. Because humour is humour, but some humour gets you killed. Like anything about the Muslims.

You what's a neato name? Enoch. But of course, like anything one minute you find yourself quoting the Bible, then suddenly you find yourself sucking down Darjeeling with Marie Antoinette and her little sister...

But I digress.

The point is, women are just second-class citizens. It's not their fault. They are just massive roller coasters of emotion! What with their periods and pregnancy and children...

Clearly, it makes them ineligible to work along side or even above men in government...or life in general

But what really gets me is these men who become women. I mean, that's Dr. Frankenstein right there. I don't know how they do it - I think they use silly putty - but it just wrong.

However, we should be sensitive to those who find themselves...I don't know...confused.

Like gays. Poor disillusioned people. Maybe one day they'll get better, I don't know.

Take my best friend Kenneth, and his roommate Jeff. Good friends, working as partners to find the right women to spend the rest of their lives with.

Been looking for the past five years together...

I don't actually recall any girlfriends of theirs...

But they are very picky.

But the point is, you don't see them going off and getting their Mr. Doodles cut off. Because they know what it means to be a man.

But let's reflect on the theological implications.

1. God is a man.
2. Jesus, who is God, is a man.
3. The Holy Spirit is a man, since Jesus was a man and Jesus is God, and God is also the Holy Spirit.
4. Therefore, God is a man.

So therefore women are less or second-class.

I'm no St. Thomas Aquinas, but this pretty clear theology.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-women.

I love women.

Some of my best friends are women.

My wife, for instance, is a woman.

Or rather, my wife would be a woman if I had one.

But that's beside the point.

The point is, feminism is bad because it gives women ideas. It insists that women be educated. How can any man dominate his household if a women thinks?

First rule of any form of control: Keep women ignorant.

They can't tell you what you are doing wrong if they don't know what you are doing. Or anything for that matter.

So therefore, my dear friends, we find at the end of this epic saga a concise and clear reason why random Bible reading is dangerous.

The Hæresiarchian Church and Luthorian Creed

In 22,189 A.D., the FAC underwent a near splinter. The causes had been long in the making; and the blame fell mostly on the actions of Bodh. Lama St. Isaiah Francesco Asimoff I. The deceased Rabbi-Pape's promotion of the Hæresiarchs had given them such a power base that not even the Druishian Inquisitive Committee could have them removed. With citagogues and symples in virtually every Branch of the FAC and Britannia Imperium territory, the rule of the Hæresiarchs was inescapable. With the Red Elders still deliberating to elect a new Rabbi-Pape, the management fell to the Archierarchs of the Four Great Branches - in this case, the Hæresiarchs. Without the worry of a Mental Crusade or reproach of any other hierarch (for none could truly challenge them in might), the Hæresiarchs began pushing forth teachings in a dictatorial manner - and eventually an exclusive and concrete foundation began to be formed. At the head of the Hæresiarchs was Archierarch Martin Luther, who had been pull from 1546 A.D. by the Hæresiarchs to lead their cause.

Cured of any maladies and sicknesses, the renewed German theologian developed a restrictive doctrine to be implemented in the FAC - preaching that the Druishian Priesthood's Law of Tolerance and Inclusiveness was an injustice to the people of Terocea (Earth) and offensive to God. Luther drew his interpretation from the theology of the Masculine Divine Traditions within the FAC, and using fragments of the ancient and defunct text of the Judeo-Panglican Church - the King Charles Bibiloteque - he developed what was called by the FAC hierarchy 'the Luthorian Creed'. The followed

"A belief in the One, Masculine Father-God,
the five Primas,
the ineffability of the Bibiloteque,
the inscrutability of the Hæresiarchs,
the rejection of the belief of non-heresy,
the rejection of polytheiogamy and
the sole acceptance of monotheiogamy..."

With the support of the Hæresiarchs, the Creed was published and preached in all of the Hæresiarch-controlled citagogues, tosques, monaseminaries, and symples. The Hæresiarchs had officially created a Church within a Church, with Luther as its Archæresiarch. When the Red Elders announced their choice for the Rabbi-Papery, they found the Branches in chaos. Abandoning their choice, they quickly re-chose their candidate as a time-clone of John Paul George, making the new Rabbi-Pape yet another clone of the man (All previous JPGs had been time-clones or bio-clones).

Rabbi-Pape John Paul George MMVI ascended the throne with little pomp and celebration, quickly summoning Luther to the FAC's pocket dimension of qR to answer for his enforcement of the shame of Creed. The Archæresiarch ignored the summons and prepared his forces for a interdimensional and intergalactic war. The Rabbi-Pape, with the support of the Britannian Empress, amassed his fleets and armies in qR; using the dimensional gates littered throughout the pocket dimension, he launched systematic attacks against the Hæresiarchian forces, killing billions of 'compromised individuals' and purging the creed-enforcers from the Great Branches. The Hæresiarchian forces were formidable, but Luther never believed the Rabbi-Pape would enforce such a slaughter of countless people, and he had instructed his forces to defend the people no matter what the cost.

His forces decimated and bastions destroyed, Archæresiarch Luther and the other Hæresiarchs fled through a dimensional portal and stole a galaxy-cruiser, fleeing into the Horse Head Nebula and eventually wandering into Galactic Catholic Church-controlled systems. What happened to them next is not known - rumors range from their exile from GCC systems, to their death in a final fight with FAC and GCC forces, to their reconciliation and acceptance into the GCC. What is known is that JPGMMVI conducted one of the most brutal and devastating Mental Crusades in the history of the FAC, mind-wiping a total of 92% of the FAC laity and 53% of the clergy, purging as much of the Luthorian Creed as he could.

The Druishian Priesthood

The Druishian Priesthood Board began as a small cult of fanatics integrated into the FAC by Rabbi-Pape Hadrian VII because of the aid they played in capturing and holding Jeru-Mecca in 2066 A.D., so that he could convene the First Amalgamated Gathering and establish a capital for his desire of a global theocratic empire. Once absorbed in the complex structure of the FAC, Hadrian VII raised a number of the most rabid and devout to the service of his personal protectors and advisors. For the rest of his reign, the scarlet cloaked Druishian priests were a common sight when the Rabbi-Pape was present, their faces streaked with deep gashes made in devotion to their beloved master.

Following the death of Hadrian in 2101 A.D., Rabbi-Father Changstein el-Gammal announced the successor of the Rabbi-Pape as John Paul George I, whose first act was to move the FAC to Londonium and abolish the Druishian guard. He returned them to Jeru-Mecca, where he turned over care of Hadrian’s Grand Synamosque to them. John Paul George I was rumored to have used their services once before their return to Jeru-Mecca - the assassination of Rabbi-Father el-Gammal. In the years that followed, the Druishian Priesthood was left alone as JPGI began his systematic formation of the FAC’s hierarchy and organization until 2167 A.D., when the Galactic Catholic Church returned from the Outer Colonies of the Horse-Head Nebula and retook Italy, establishing the first Papal territory on Terocea (Earth) in over 100 years.

With the threat of Catholic orthodoxy suddenly present, JPGI recalled the Druishian Priesthood from Jeru-Mecca to Londonium, where the Rabbi-Pape had established his Symple. To root out and evangelize to those who were being lead astray by the Catholics, the Rabbi-Pape restructured the Druishian order into a more organized and structured administration, dividing it into the Druishian Priesthood Board which governed and oversaw the other organizations, orders, and committees associated with the FAC while rooting out any threat of orthodox or creed; and the Druishian Inquisitive Committee, which was responsible for evangelism and spread of Amalgamation, while rooting out those spreading and sympathetic to orthodoxy in FAC and the Britannia Imperium’s territories.

During this time a more notable change was made among the Druishian clergy; that is, they began to appear more groomed and professional and JPGI often employed their services for his own liturgies and processions. As the Druishians Priesthood advanced in power, they found that their only rival was the independent Rabbinical Suffrage, created long ago by Rabbi-Father el-Gammal to act as the legal branch of the FAC. While the Druishians were granted more and more power within the bounds of the hierarchy, their territorial expansion beyond Jeru-Mecca was hindered by the bureaucracy and red tape of the Suffrage. The Rabbi-Fathers had no doubts in their minds that the Druishian Priesthood - along with the current Rabbi-Pape - was responsible for their founder's assassination, and prevented any and all means of expansion. Thus Jeru-Mecca and Londonium were the only two City-States that supported Druishian Monaseminaries, Ward-Stakes, and Dioparchies.

Hindered and frustrated, the Druishians petitioned the Rabbi-Pape, whose favouritism of the Druishians prompted him to relocate the Rabbi-Fathers to the Neo-Babylonian Oligarchy of the West. There the constant upheaval and chaos severely dampened the Suffrage's influence while the Priesthood's flourished. As the Mental Crusades continued under the High Druistolic Administator, JPGI's reign was coming to a close. Millions of faithful who had been subjugated to the mental recognitions of the Crusade and left mindless drones, leaving behind embittered family members who sought revenge against the Priesthood and the Rabbi-Pape. Fortunately for the Rabbi-Pape, he was safe in the Symple fortress in Londonium. Unfortunately for the Rabbi-Pape, his concubine was one of the embittered family members, and subsequently smothered him in his sleep.

A hero to the people, the Red Elders prevented a collapse of the FAC by electing the concubine to the Rabbi-Papery, become the Church's first female Archierarch and Rabbi-Papess. Taking the name Helena Amashion Reddium I, the Rabbi-Papess abolished the Mental Crusade, seceded Italy to the GCC, recalled the Rabbinical Suffrage from the West and sent the Druishian Board into the Oligarchian regime under the pretext of evangelism and the spread of Amalgamation, but in truth her intent was the utter decimation of the priesthood.

While at first it seemed the order had been destroyed, four thousand years later the Druishian Priesthood Board reestablished contact with the FAC and reported it had taken the Eastern coastline, bringing a portion of the Neo-Babylonian Oligarchy's territory under the aegis of Amalgamation. The reigning Rabbi-Pape and other Archierarchs realized it would be foolish to turn away such a powerful group - one that had brought a chaotic and destructive place such as the Oligarchy under its control - and called them back to Jeru-Mecca and gave them an permanent place in the FAC's organization. Things continued to improve for the order when they wrote the Laws of Inclusiveness and Tolerance for the Second Amalgamated Gathering, and where instructed to enforce it throughout the territories.

Not to say the sudden death of the Rabbi-Pape in the middle of the Gathering and the election of one of their own to the Rabbi-Papery had anything to do with it.

Libros I - The Forgotten Archierarch

Four hundred years after the reign of Isaiah Francesco Asimoff IV and two hundred years after the final battle with the Galactic Catholic Church at Vatican III; the High Mufti of the Higher Wisdom Seekists and Lama-Vicar of the Linear Branch of the First Amalgamated Church was chosen by the Red Elders to ascend the Rabbi-Papal Throne. This High Mufti was one of the few Enlightened Archierarchs to gain the throne, but little to nothing is known of his life beforehand. It is said he first took the name Tsaurus X, but later changed it to Judeus XXIV, and three years later he selected another name: Barnabas II.

The Rabbi-Pape's indecisiveness was due to the closely held belief of the Higher Wisdom Seekists in Astrology and the influence of one's Zodiac Sign; The Archierarch was a Libra, and therefore was so extremely conflicted in every decision a Shadow Committee was formed to make decisions for him. While their intentions at first were geniune, this group came to realize that the Rabbi-Pape's indecisiveness could be used to their advantage. No one was quite sure who came up with the idea, but fear of losing their power, the Shadow Committee hooked him up to an elaborate throne that was in fact a time-dilated life support system.

Bound to the throne for 17,ooo years, the Rabbi-Pape became little more than a dessicated corpse with a consciousness, utterly conflicted for all his reign. The Committee would torment him with questions and force him to make decisions he was unable to, torturing him with even the most mundane of question. They even gave him the choice of coming off the throne, but he couldn't even choose whether or not to.

Eventually, the Rabbi-Pape passed from the knowledge of all the people with the exception of the Red Elders and the Committee, who used the living Rabbi-Pape to keep the Red Elders from electing a new one. The final response of the Red Elders was to liquidate the Committee and put the indecisive leader in storage on the Moon while falsely proclaiming his death. Because his name had passed from all memory and records, the Red Elders gave him the name Libros I - the Forgotten Archierarch. The people of the FAC accepted the name without problem, happy to have a change of pace in finally electing a new Rabbi-Pape after so long a time of vacancy (or, at least, what they assumed was a vacancy).

To this day he remains in lock down on the Moon, bound to the chair for all time while still contemplating a regal name for himself. The last words recorded of his was a question:

"What do you think of Paul?"

The First Amalgamated Church

The First Amalgamated Church (FAC) was established by no divine authority on no one in particular. The Biblical basis for this Church is never to be found, nor is it ever to be found in any other religious text.

In truth, the FAC’s origin can be traced to June 6, 2066 AD. It came out of the merger of the Islam-Christian Report, in which Italo-Roman Presbylutheranism and Caribbean Sunnism merged with the Judeo-Panglican Church. The newly democratically elected Rabbi-Father Changstein el-Gammal reformed the Church into the Pre-Amalgamated Society (PAS) through his thesis “Saturdays with Eddie: A Journey in Radical Ecumenical Syncretism”.

Approximately 17 hours later, the PAS experienced its first splinter, reconciliation, second splinter and an event known as the Subdued Re-Formation (which incidentally was brought about over a theological dispute over the purported existence of an Aryan Jesus and a Latvian Buddha). The PAS continued for three days consisting of 14 members under the leadership of Rabbi-Father el -Gammal before a third split occurred, result in the Eighth-Day Epithets (EDE). The EDE lasted a total of three minutes before being assimilated back into the PAS, which consequently conducted a Mental Crusade against the second group, which had come to call itself the Syncretic Social Order of the Society of the Blue Word (SSOSBW). The exact theological beliefs of this movement is unknown, as Rabbi-Father el-Gammal quickly dealt with the SSOSBW by mental recognition (whatever that means).

Rabbi-Father el-Gammal rewrote his thesis a total of 95 times before reverting to his original draft but with the inclusion of not only all theological beliefs, but atheistic and agnostic beliefs as well. The result was reformation of the Pre-Amalgamated Society into the First Amalgamated Church.

The first Amalgamated Gathering was called by Rabbi-Pape Hadrian VII (later Bodhisattva Saint Lama Adrian I), in which the first draft of the “Syncretic Essay of 2066 AD” was drawn up, eventually becoming the “Highly Revered and Partially Sacred Scrapbook of Collected Thoughts” (also called the “Great Big Book of Everything”).

The First Amalgamated Church holds true to the existence (or not) of One or Many Gods (perhaps fewer or none at all), and liberally celebrates (or doesn’t, your choice) the worship of the Deity (or Deities) in whatever way you think (or don’t, no judging) They or He (or She or nothing at all) require (or not) you to worship. There is no doctrine, dogma, or creed put forth by the FAC; just assorted opinions and theories.

There is no such thing as a heretical belief or movement within the FAC, every belief is encouraged and nurtured and eventually integrated into the Religious Adherent Sector (RAS) of the FAC (as opposed to the Atheist, Agnostic, and Non-Religious Adherent Sector (AANRS) of the FAC, which integrates no religious belief but only those of science and fact). Despite the fact that all beliefs are considered equally valid, confrontation is common in the FAC, as to what qualifies as a valid belief within the FAC is put under extreme scrutiny. Any group that seeks to impose a concrete doctrine or creed is dealt with by the Druishian Inquisitive Committee(DIC), who often conduct Mental Crusades to keep the peace in FAC controlled territories.

Time-travel was discovered in 2331 A.D. by FAC scientists in their efforts to travel back to the Garden of Eden and prevent the Fall of Man. The hierarchs realized that this move would remove all power from the FAC, and attempted to destroy all research but succeeded in simply ripping open a tear in the fabric of Space-Time. The FAC then monopolized this 'success of science' and constructed portals in which they could go back in time and evangelize to the past, establishing Amalgamation long before its actual inception in 2066 A.D. Because of this meddling, several branches in the Space-Time continuum were born, creating a pan-dimensional religious empire for the FAC. Several controversies have come about due to this; such as Dinosaur and Cro-Magnon clergy, and time-cloning, in which a past-self of a person is brought into the present from a pocket dimension. In truth, no one is quite sure the moral or scientific workings of such technology.

No one really cares.

The Supreme Jurisdictional Primate and Authoritative Consular, Praetorian Magistrate of the Time Branches, and Rabbi-Pape has full authority over all linear, nonlinear, cyclical, and time dilated Branches of the FAC. He delegates authority to Archierarchs who preside in those time lines; such as the Guru-Imam of the Cyclical Branches; the Mahasiddhas-Rabbi of the Nonlinear Branches; the Lama-Vicar of the Linear Branches; and the Ani-kutani-Guru-Pape of the Time-dilated Branches. A sort of collegiality is supposed to be practiced among the Archierarchs, but in reality the Rabbi-Pape more often than not takes a dictatorial approach to governance. It is not uncommon for a Rabbi-Pape to be assassinated when his approval rating falls below 23 percent.

Because of the Laws of Inclusiveness and Tolerance enforced by the Druishian Priesthood Board (DPB), there are several Order, Councils, Administration, Cults, Boards, and Committees associated with the FAC. Such prominent ones include the Red Elders of the Crimson Circle, a group of reclusive hierarchs who control the election of the Rabbi-Pape and reside in the Escher-like citadel in the Himalayan Mountains; the Druishian Priesthood Board, a powerful administration run by rabid clergymen/women in charge of upholding the Laws and suppressing orthodoxy through the Druishian Inquisitive Committee; the Rabbinical Suffrage, without approval from the Rabbi-Fathers nothing can be legally done; the Castrated Drones, a group of clergy who have been castrated themselves (or forcibly) to become the militant and liturgical assisstants of the FAC.

The FAC has successfully retconned and revised history to such a degree that the Congregation of the Order of the Sub-Curial District of Time Loops, Paradoxes, and Conundrums was formed by the initiative of Rabbi-Pape Bodhisattva Saint Lama Isaiah Francesco Asimoff IV to address issues created and instigated by misuses of time-travel and -warp technology. A successful pocket timeline was created by the Congregation priests to house an uncorrupted history for the FAC, and it is here where the Basilimosquagogue of St. Lama. Bod. Adrian I was constructed to house the Rabbi-Pape.

In coming posts, we shall talk more on selected portions of the FAC's history.