Timezones, Sex, Zombies, and Ghandi

I cannot get the timezone right on this blog! It annoys me so much I shall write about it on the blog itself!

...I've never been good figuring out timezones. I think there are stupid and the time should be the same everywhere. No wait, I'm wrong. There should be two timezones: one for the God-fearing, red-blooded, conservative Republican Americans and one for the godless, liberal, communist Democrats.

Freemasons too.

And the Chinese.

Muslims don't believe in time, so I don't have to worry about them.

But the real Christian days (That is, the days God pays attention to) start when the sun first touches the soil of the good old United States of America. This timezone will be called 'Jesus Time' or 'Godzone' from now on. The godless heathen days don't count, so therefore that timezone shall be referred to as 'Bad Time' or 'Evilzone'.

To save people from this horrible timezone filled with debauchery, Americans must support the Government's plan to invade and Americanize every other country on the planet; thereby making them apart of the U.S. and bringing 'Godzone' to the other side of the world. But it works both ways: the godless, liberal, communist Democrats are trying to impose 'Evilzone' on America, and turn into a Neo-Babylon Oligarchy, in which the Chinese-Freemasons maskerade as Republicans while supporting things such as abortion, stem cell research, same-sex institutions, imigration, women's rights, interspecies marriage, burka-barreling (not sure what that is), Geo-Feminism, and sex.

That's right: sex. They want to support sex. We all know sex is evil and should be never spoken about in real life. That's why we have TV and the internet. We also know from post-apocalyptic movies that mutants go after fertile women to rape them and make more mutant babies. If this isn't an indication of sex evilness then I don't know what is. It's why I support the Sex Kills Bill, in which I hope will pass and force people to put spikes on those parts required for sex to discourage it. It's also why I support the right to bear arms, so that I can defend our fertile women from mutants. Sex isn't required and is unGodly...unless it's used to make more men, which is why God made woman anyway.

I read my Bible.

Which brings me to another point: Zombies. I'm against zombie-racism or anti-zombism. Zombies are not like the liberal, fertile women raping mutants. Zombies are staunch conservatives and supporters of the Republican Party and have been given a negative portrayal in the media. Zombies are often seen as 'evil' and lumbering idiots. In truth, zombies are amoral, mindless animated corpses with a strong ethnic identity and sense of purpose (i.e., the eating of brains). If anything could be said against them, it's that they aren't Christians. If they were Christians, then they wouldn't be zombies in the first place. Christians don't become zombies, it's in the Beatitudes or Ten Commandments, I think. I'm not sure what religion zombies are, but I have a strong leaning toward Buddhism. They've seem to got that whole Nirvana thing down.

But this all doesn't change the fact that anti-zombism is rampant in this country - this world. When people learn there is a zombie in the neighborhood, you can bet it won't be long before people are boarding up their windows and doors and stocking up on ammo. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against guns or ammo. I'm against racism. I doubt we'll ever see a zombie in the White House, due to this country's disgusting bias. God created everything people; even zombies. I don't know why He created them, but who am I to doubt the work of God? I'm not an evolutionist, I don't make claims that monkeys and humans are the same so that I can have sex with them. That's the Chinese-Freemasons at work, trying to pass that interspecies marriage bill.

I consider myself openminded. I believe that women have the same rights as any other second-class citizen, and I believe that gay people really think they are people. I am a good person, and I let everyone know it. I've been known to walk into the middle of intersections and yell prayers at people. Believe me, there are people who need prayers. I can't tell you how many times I've had people cuss at me, shoot me the bird, try and hit me with their cars. These people need some Jesus. One time a lovely group of people (I think they were a family) gathered around me with their children and prayed with me. I later left when they started waving signs that said "God hates Fags" and "Fags go to Hell" and "God hates America". I disagree with a number of those signs and slogans. First of all God founded American, so I know He doesn't hate American. Jesus is an American, so if God hates American then He hates Himself. This is simple theology here, people. I'm no St. Thomas Aquinas, but I can get that much.

Secondly, I don't know if God hates cigarettes. Nor (if I'm interpreting their sign right) do I know if people who smoke them go to Hell. I can't say who goes to Hell, and it is not my place to do so. I simply strongly reinforce such ideas. I think these people were sent by the Freemasons to discredit me.

Whatever happen to the 40s and 50s, when men were men, women were women, gay people didn't exist, father knew best, and children knew the best way to make a martini? Whatever happen to the America that exists some couple decades before I was born? Whatever happened to prayer in schools? I mean, real prayer - Christian prayer, not that other stuff. I know George Washington understood about prayer. I mean, when he was praying in to woods and Jesus appeared to him and gave him those Golden Tablets which held the instructions on building the great nation of the U.S., he understood that prayer was important. And later, when he was chopping down that cherry tree on Abraham Lincoln's property and got caught and lied to say he was using it to build the West Wing of the White House, and Jesus appeared to him to tell him he was wrong, and Washington fell to his knees in prayer - he knew the importance of prayer.

Damn greasy liberals. Caligula was a liberal, and look what happen to Rome! Fell into a pit of debauchery and sin. Caligula was in love with his sister! And his horse! And his sister's horse! Then they got that floating little fairy Nero, who just lost it all. See what the liberals do? You end up with people like Caligula, Nero, Lyndon B. Johnson, Paul McCartney, and Ghandi. Don't get me wrong, Ghandi had some great ideas, but he was a hippie liberal. And a Hindu. And as we know, that makes not Christian, so that invalidates his ideas. Plus he's in the 'Evilzone', so that just furthers this whole ordeal.

The point is, the world wouldn't have half its problems if it wasn't for timezones.

(I make no apology for the above stupidity. Unless I offended someone, then I apologize that they don't have a sense of humour.)